I have been trying to write a post for over two hours now. Paragraphs written and deleted, new ones written and deleted again. Every time I started I thought I was on to something really good only to draw complete mind blanks and give up. So out of nowhere I asked myself if I was going to write in a journal to myself what would I write about?


I would write about how today being a mom and a wife didn't come natural. I yelled about things I could have looked over, I got annoyed about things beyond anyone's control, I gave the look to Michael on more than one occasion, you know the one where I stare through his eyeballs while grinding my front teeth and furrowing my brows... he loves that look.
It's just that some days I'm not in the mood to break up a fight between an almost 4 and almost 2 year old at 6:30 in the morning. I want to drink my coffee, watch Matt Lauer interview Lindsay Lohan and maybe write a to-do list before I put my black and white referee tee on and rip my kids off each other.
The only thing I can do is acknowledge that today was not my finest and do better tomorrow. So a better tomorrow is what we will have.

A quiet moment... Before bed.

I would write about how my friend Katey came over today and dyed my hair and it took five hours. That sometimes when you have a plan to do something that you think will make life easier... and kids are involved... the exact opposite happens. Hair sessions are meant to be relaxing and quiet. Your supposed to read six magazines from April of 2007 while your under the hair dryer, listening to Kenny G and sipping a Diet Coke. Instead those 5 hours consisted of kids crying, time outs, lots of juice breaks, rests on the couch... anything but relaxing.

this picture was obviously not taken today... Stink loves taking naps at 4:30PM.

I would write about how I saw the 10 day Pinterest Challenge and I am all. over. it. In a nut shell, each day for the next ten days I take one of my 349 (as of tonight) pins and I create. I will bake and make and craft and cook and try new makeup and put outfits together. Ten pins, ten days.
And I will share them all with you. I feel like in some ways this will justify the 590 hours I have spent on Pinterest since I became a member (To bad I can't put some of those e-cards into action, I pin the shit out of those things). If you are in, I'll share your Pinterest challenge goods too!!

Tomorrow is March... Rabbit Rabbit.


My EASY Pinterest window frame frame

One of my first boards when I joined Pinterest was my To Try board. Nothing hard, just things that I never would have thought to make on my own. My favorite kind of crafts are ones that require little to no effort on my part and still come out looking really nice. I wish I had the time, energy and patience to learn to sew or knit, but right now I am just not that interested. So when I made my To Try board I didn't want to add anything that I wouldn't be able to actually make. Only things I could handle.

Like this:

and this:

and even this:

and finally this one, which has always been one of my favorites:

So over the summer I made something similar to this with an old wooden frame that I found on Craig's List for free with the paint chipped perfectly. I wrapped some jute around it and left it hanging with nothing on it for awhile. Last week I moved it to the dining room, added some of my favorite pictures and now I love it even more.

Wanna see????

It was nice and easy and its a different alternative than a typical picture frame plus you can easily change and add pictures whenever you want.
You can follow me on Pinterest
Rightttttttttt here

Happy weekend!!


Foot situation

I was at my friend's house last night for a kid free movie night. We watched What's Your Number. It was pretty good (and corny... I like corny). There is something about watching an actress with a perfect body run around in her skivvies on a basketball court that makes you feel like you you could be the next contender on My 600 Pound Life. I could have done without that part. It was good motivation. Today I thought before I put every single peice of food I ate in my mouth. I have a goal, and that goal is to drop 8 lbs. That being said, is anyone sick of Ashley's weight loss woes? Me too.
I always think that if I make a goal public I will be more likely to stick with it. If you have been here for awhile you know that this thought holds no validity as I have talked about getting my skinny on numerous times and continue to look exactly the same.

Ahhh well what can you do??

Don't answer that.

After the movie we were watching Chelsea Lately and the guest was Gabourey Sidibe. With all due respect that woman is larger than life. She is also a really great sport because Chelsea was not playing nice. Gabourey was drunk, so it was fine... Anyway Chelsea starts talking about her feet and her chicken nugget toes. Then she took her shoes off. And when she did I swear I met my foot twin.
I have the SAME feet as Precious?!?!
WTF! How did this happen???
It's all genetics. It's not my fault at all and yet, I suffer the same. An example? My friend's upcoming wedding and the fact that I am not 100% sure that the shoes I ordered (in wide) are going to fit.
I'm not joking. I could not even get the first quadrant of my foot into those shoes and I ordered them a half a size larger. Man I hope they fit. Otherwise I will be the only one standing up for my friend in silver Old Navy flip flops, or worse... Crocs (I literally just shuddered).  Looking back I may have been more jealous of the girl in What's your Number's feet than anything else. Skinny feet people, you. have. no. idea.

Me and those shoes... Will never happen.
Serious sad face.

I will not be inserting a picture of my feet in this post. You want to sleep tonight don't you?

I'll keep you updated on my wedding shoe situation.


Presidents Day.... sighhh Presidents Day

In an attempt to make a healthy snack this evening I attempted to make a cupcake in a mug. Let me just say that if I continue to make disgusting desserts like that I will lose the 4lbs I gained yesterday in no time. Nasty.

Besides eating half of a disgusting mug cake on this Presidents Day, Michael and I spent the entire day taking things away from Blake every time he peed his pants. Sometimes I'm hesitant to share things because I know one day if they care enough to, my kids could go back and read this. So please let me just say this to my future Blake.

I love you so much today(in the present) and I am sure I love you even more now
 (in the future, if that's even possible)
I have to share the good and the bad now so we will always remember what we went though.
I am so happy you are potty trained now.... I love you Stink.

Okay back to today. I don't know how many more times I can let him pee his pants before I lose my shit. You should see the top of our fridge right now. It looks like Toys R Us because of all the toys we have taken away. He hasn't been able to play any sort of video game in like 5 days. He knows the deal too. "Mom, I'm not gonna play video games cause I peed my pants". Correct my friend. Correctamundo.

On a completely unrelated note, I am day dreaming about summer. We haven't even had a real winter so I feel like I don't have a right to even say this but I want warmth and sun and a tan (God do I want a tan). I want to see my boys in shorts and bucket hats. I want to landscape our front yard and go to the beach.

Ahhhhhh sweet summer.

But before that we have a few other things to do. A first wedding anniversary next month, the boys birthdays to celebrate, one of my best friend's wedding (who doesn't read my blog... tsk tsk) and who knows what else.

my non blog reading bff 

But I can smell summer. Even if it is four months away... I am waiting.


Sunday Funday

Yesterday was the exact opposite of my Friday post. My go get 'em attitude was replaced with an I have no desire to move one. I didn't get dressed, cook, do laundry, nothing. I did take a two hour nap and pile my boys into the car so we could get McDonald's drive thru for dinner (currently holding my head in shame). Worse than that though I just ate and ate and ate. I weighed myself this morning and I had gained 4 lbs. oink oink indeed.

The best thing about those days are that I know they are few and far between. It is one of the main reasons why I make myself get dressed and ready every morning even if my only plans are to bring Blake to and from school.  Days like yesterday when I am a slug in both appearance and output I am usually ready for bed by 6PM. I cant stand myself.

I think it is because by nature I like to have things to do. Which is why I have a part time job. It is also why sometimes I get annoyed living here. Because my things to do are limited. I have a few friends who also have busy lives, there is limited places to go (I am not what anyone would consider to be an outdoorsy person), Shopping here doesn't hold a candle to Albany and we have no family locally.

But I digress.

Today I made a point to shower and be out of the house by 9AM. Even if it was just to Wal-Mart for milk, cereal and Smart Ones (I will spend the next two weeks losing the weight I gained yesterday).  Me and the kids Beybladed for what felt like forever, Blakey and I went sneaker shopping (I was supposed to be ordering my shoes for a friends wedding, but when you have a 3 year old demanding to purchase the shoes below, your train of thought goes right out the window).

Pumped up kicks

After Michael left for work we went outside for some fresh air. Everyone knows fresh air = good nights sleep and that's what I was going for. We played soccer, we went for a walk and I let the kids run around the front yard like maniacs until Logan wouldn't get out of the road.
That's how you know outside time is over.

Logan's " I'm just happy face"

Logan's "cheeeeeeeeeee" face... yet again.

 Officer Porter on a walk

 The helmet was a little big for Lo. Also he is the snot king.

I was ordered to pump "forty zero" gallons of gas in this car.
Seventeen times. 

Now I am ready to take on the week. A week of no school, a lot of work, a strict caloric intake, conquering the laundry mountain, hopefully a few play dates and best of all looking forward to next weekend when we have visitors!

PS: I seriously want one of those WeWood watches that are on EVERY blog's sidebar that I read.
That green one.
I need.


Good Friday

My favorite days are the ones when I sit down once my kids go to bed and feel accomplished.
Today just happened to be one of those days.

Not only because I feel like I was a good mom, but also because I feel like I was a good Ashley.

Of course it wasn't without drama or little disasters. Logan hit his mouth on something in a fit of rage after I removed him from the counter top he was standing on. He got himself so worked up he was down for a nap by 10:15AM. I love that boy but man does he give me a run for my money...

Yes. Little one, I am talking about you.

Blakey spent the morning drawing pictures of our family members with extra long arms. I asked him what each person was doing and wrote it next to his picture. I love 3 year old direct quotes.

I got dressed like a professional and was able to work out of the house for a couple hours. Getting dressed, going to meetings and performing tasks that actually have something to do with what I got a degree in six years ago invigorates me. It reminds me that I do have a career field that I am somewhat knowledgeable in and that I genuinely care about.

I came home, made dinner, cleaned up, did a little work, got the boys ice cream and now I am sitting here watching Restaurant Impossible and blogging. Nice relaxing Friday night.

Weekend plans include... errands, laundry, the usual.

Have a good one!!


Valentine's Day traditions...

Every year since I can remember on Valentines Day morning my Dad would have Russell Stover heart shaped candy boxes on the dining room table for my sister and I in between a Whitman's Sampler for my Mom. Even this year, with me being two hours away, there is still a box of candy waiting for me next time I go home.

I also remember every year being jealous of my Mom's Whitman's Sampler. The way the candy looked in the plastic, the little chocolate covered peanuts and almonds in their own section and the maple flavored, which is now my favorite, always shaped like an oval, how under the top of the box it describes where each candy is located so you don't bite into a coconut by mistake and have to wipe your tongue with a napkin.

My kids woke up at 6:15 this morning. Yet again. I am pretty sure Logan was up at 6AM and I pretended his cries were ocean waves or something for 15 minutes. Sometimes I just can't.
So I get Logan out of his crib head to the kitchen and on the counter waiting for us is two Russell Stover heart boxes and a Whitman Sampler.
I'm the mom in this house so it can only mean one thing. That Whitman Sampler is for me!!!
I unwrapped that box like one of those annoying people that likes to "save the paper" from their birthday presents. I didn't even want my kids to look at my candy, let alone ask me for the milk chocolate mail carrier... Now I know how my mother felt every year. We were so annoying.

So we each pick one piece of candy from our designated candy boxes and then at 6:30 in the morning we go in to thank Michael. I tell him that what he did this morning is exactly what my Dad used to do for my mom, sister and I... His response?

"Its official, you married your father."

 Fridge decor <3

Black and white picture of me and my valentine. B&W pictures hide forehead wrinkles.


Besides that though Blake had a Valentines party, pajama day, and a teddy bear parade this morning at school. He was so excited to share his valentines with his friends and even more happy that he had a bag of goods from his school friends, or as he calls them "his buddies" when school was over.

Angry Bird Valentine+ Rice Krispy Treat + pencil= Valentines for school friends

Blake has obviously been working out.

Logan got a musical Mickey Mouse Valentines book from his valentine (that would be me) this morning and he has been pressing the buttons all day.

A Spongebob Squarepants lollipop that was literally a marshmallow on a stick. Notice the progression of happiness?

Blake liked his too. So much so he had to do a "Hooray" air jump picture.

Happy Valentines Day!!!!!


adult. ugly word?

Getting older means a lot of things.

For me it was having a baby, moving away, having another baby, buying a house and getting married. In that order. Stating I was an adult, an independent woman (thank you Destiny's Child) came numerous times before all those life altering events. When I graduated high school, when I turned 18 years old, when I went away to college. Oh how little I knew.

The truth is realizing you are a 'grown up' is never what you expect. At least not for me. I think coming to the I am an adult realization is more of an oh shit! kinda moment. Because if we are being honest nothing that goes along with being an adult is particularly glamorous. It comes in the form of bills and loans and Monday through Friday jobs. Its not anything cool like your first tattoo, belly button piercing or your first hangover. It's not when you leave your mom and dad in front of your dorm building for the first time or even when you walk across the stage to get your degree.

My ah ha! I am an adult moment came one night taking care of Blake, the first time he was really really sick... Up all night, fever, throwing up, me rubbing his little back, laying on the couch all night watching Curious George. It was when I realized that this little person was relying solely on me to make him feel better that I had my epiphany. I had graduated into the next life bracket. To adulthood.

I was 25 years old.

I don't think that this is what everyone's defining moment looks like. Just mine.

I was Facebook chatting with one of my best friends last night discussing what we want to do with our lives, what life used to be like only 10 years ago, what its like today and what we want for our future. Dream jobs and dream living arrangements (mostly just that we should all live closer together). Coming to the agreement that passion doesn't always pay the bills, life really does throw serious curve balls and that we really need to find ways to make our dreams come to life....

If anyone has any ideas I think I speak for both Erin and myself when I say we would love to hear them...



Being away

There are two things I know for sure.

1. Every mom needs a night off now and then
2. Your night off will consist of a lot of missing your kids.

Tuesday afternoon I emptied my car of baby seats and strollers, kissed my babies, plugged in my IPhone and headed to Albany for my night off.

And what a night off it was.

Let me set the stage. My freedom started the moment I pulled out of the driveway. I set my cruise control, turned my volume to 45 and sang like I was being videotaped for VH1's Motormouth.
By the time I got to my parents house I was so pumped I thought I would go for a run (kind of ridiculous I know). I searched for ear buds for about 20 minutes before my running idea morphed into a laying on my sisters bed looking at Facebook until my Dad came home and we talked about kitchen renovations idea.

My sister and I had dinner together. Grown up dinner with real conversation, glasses of wine and no high chairs. Dinner was followed by an "Ashley needs a new handbag" excursion and a trip to Sephora. Two words, Naked Palette. I don't think my eyes will ever be the same.

After that my mom and I stayed up watching The Biggest Loser and bull schmitting until it was time to hit the sack.

I slept through the night. No getting up for bottles or spooning with a 3 year old at 4:00 in the morning.

perfectenschlog (you watched The Office tonight right?)


Flip side of my night away:

Laying on my sister's bed started with looking at Facebook and ended with me watching videos of Logan dancing to his reflection in the stove and Blake singing "play the guitar with Murray"

In the middle of dinner I attempted to face time good night kisses.

I had to restrain myself from heading up to The Children's Place when I was on my new hand bag hunt.

My favorite thing to bull schmit about is being a mom.

I never mind a 4AM spoon session.


Taking my mom hat off for the night and focusing solely on myself was so nice. To just be Ashley. 

Coming home and having 2 little guys waiting at the gate when I opened the front door was also just what I needed. Because being just Ashley for a night was great. But I like being Momma better.



"I am not scared of having people see me grow"
Wiz Khalifa

Odd way to start a post.

I have been thinking for the past few weeks that I might make my blog private or delete it altogether. It's not that I don't like to blog because I do, I actually love it. It's a good outlet for me, someone who spends her days tending to two little guys. It's a space for me to write about anything I want. And for awhile I did. I wrote about things the boys did, how we spend our days up here, the house, what I cook... And then all of a sudden a month or so ago I got really self conscience about what I was writing, who was reading it, what people thought of me, if I was sharing to much...

I got stressed out.

I still wrote posts I just didn't publish them. I would write them and then read them the next day, hate them and delete them. They might not have even been that bad but I guess I just didn't feel like they were good enough to share. The ones that I have written I haven't shared on Facebook.

Today I was driving to Target listening to an interview when I heard the quote above. He wasn't trying to be profound or deep. He was just basically stating a fact. And this is gonna sound random but when I pulled into the parking lot I wrote it down.

Because being a stay at home mom is a growing experience, but not always the kind of growth I feel like I need. And that is why I do need this blog. And from now on I am going to really write about whatever I want. Of course, still the boys and Michael but more of my other stuff too. And if inevitably that means that people don't read it that's okay. Because I feel like I have more to share then what I have been and because I am not going to be scared of having people see me grow.


Dear February

I am late. This is an on going theme lately. I decided that I was going to write a post on the first of each month with all the things I planned to get done and accomplish. I am doing fantastic at accomplishing not a god damn thing. (Side bar: Blake just face planted off the couch and I'm trying not laugh at him. He's not hurt, stop judging my insensitivity... He just told me the only thing that will make him feel better is a sip of soda. He's better).

Blakey and I.... Random picture
Taken with the 1 megapixel camera on my computer

Anyway, with the beginning of the month (we are only 4 days in after all) Here are a few randoms...
New years resolutions are down the mother trucking tubes. I don't know why I thought January 1st was going to bring me this overwhelming amount of energy to really get things done, get healthy, be an overall better person. It's just like on your birthday when you go to bed and the next day you are a year older. Then people say "do you feel older?" First of all from this point on no one needs to be asking anyone that question. Its rude. It's the equivalent of asking someone if they feel closer to death.... (insert game show host voice here ->"Soooo another year down huh?? Hear that Grim Reaper knocking or what?" People are stupid sometimes. Just say happy birthday and move on.... Wow. That was an unexpected tangent I did not expect to go on...Anyway I'm done with New Years resolutions. I should have just picked a word to focus on like every other blog I read... Oh well now I know for 2013.

I am not really a lover of cooking. Like at all. I tried. You have seen my posts. I mean sometimes I don't mind cooking but for the most part I would much rather eat out or English muffins with peanut butter or vanilla cake. But my boys need to eat good so I am just going to use my crock pot more. You just throw a bunch of shit in, turn it on and 6 hours later you are good to eat. For example, today: boneless pork chops, onion slices, can of cream of mushroom and pepper and in about one hour my kids will have a good dinner. I have also decided that I am done with things like rice makers. Because there is another thing called instant rice and instant rice is easy and it doesn't spew rice water all over my kitchen like our rice cooker does. And we will have broccoli. Frozen broccoli that I will heat up in the microwave. Thank you inventor of frozen vegetables.

I am also awful at exercising. You see I saw this this picture of a calender for the month of February and I was like "OMG. That will take no time and I will look like Giselle by February 29th!!!"
First of all, no I won't. Second, Michael doesn't even think she is that hot. So suck it Giselle, your husband wears Ugg boots. Third, you actually have to do the exercises to see results. Oh Ash. That being said, it is the 4th and I have exercised twice this month already. Only for a half hour each day but it still counts. I am going to TRY to make myself exercise a few times a week even if it is only for a half hour because that will still be more than I have exercised in about nine years. I will conquer that calender!!!! (Side note who the hell invented a plank exercise?? Someone who hates all people I am sure).

Said calendar. Notice I am trying to make it cooler with the instagram app?? fail.

Other things I am awful at? keeping to a blog schedule, doing laundry everyday, working 10 hours a week like I promised myself I would, reading since the Hunger Games, finding the motivation to mop with my Wet Jet, cleaning my car....

Things I am good at? Making lists, shopping at Target, keeping to my prime time TV schedule, texting, tub time, drinking coffee, my 2:30 PM 15 minute siesta with Blake and Logan .... I'm sure there are more, I am just naturally better at admitting all the things I am not good at. Which I am now realizing is this entire post.

Also really good at having the cutest kids...