................................................Some things for me to remember....
I know I will look back on some of the things that I wrote here and cringe and be embarrassed and then wonder how I have friends. (That may or may not happen all the time when I read old posts).
I will probably read some things and wonder what I was really thinking that day or what I left out. I will wonder how I really felt and how I must have made my kids or Michael feel. (Because I don't share 100% of the truth yet. It's not that I lie, I just sometimes omit to make my life picture look prettier... Maybe one day I will be comfortable enough to share.. Maybe.
I will always look back and be irritated that I wasn't in more pictures with my kids. Ugh..
I look at last week's posts and get mad that I didn't say to someone " Quick, take a picture of us!". I need to train Michael to take pictures of memories while they are happening. All my pictures are posed and me smiling and cheesy. More life pictures. I will wish for more of those. I am actually going to start making that happen. Hear that Michael? Or anyone else who is around and can snap life pictures? And not just me with my kids. With my parents, with my family, my friends, sister, other important to me babies. All of them. Everyone knows candid pictures are the best. And the worst....
But mostly the best.
I want to make sure I look back and it is clear and obvious how happy we were. Not everyday. That's not realistic. But that most days were happy days. Because, really, that's the way it should be. Being happy at the park or the beach or in the snow or sitting in our living room watching Caillou.
I get frustrated easy. I hate that about me. I don't want that to be how my kids remember most days... walking on egg shells because Mom was a lunatic. Breathing exercises in full effect tomorrow. I'll pray for more patience.
Operation most days are happy days in full effect.
I want myself to stop comparing myself to EVERY OTHER PERSON ON THE PLANET. Do you have any idea how draining this is? Seriously exhausting. Comparing this person's body, hair, home, car, how they write, the pictures they take, how fun other people's lives look on Facebook, how people treat others compared to how they treat me, how smart they are, how old I am, how young I am... AHHHH!! Seriously. I really need to cut it out. I wonder if this is something everyone does.. Hmmm.... I don't think it is, maybe a little bit. I think there are people who are generally happy with their surroundings. They don't strive for the best body or nicest car or biggest house. They are just happy. I want that. I will consider this Operation most days are happy part two.
I read somewhere that if you are going to compare yourself to anyone, you should compare yourself to a past version of yourself... and if I do that things look pretty good.