8/07/2012

Shit my kids say

#1
Blake: Mom what's a mummy???
Me: Ummm... errr... wellll... you see... It's a thing wrapped in toilet paper
Blake: But what does it do?
Me: Pretend to pick imaginary lint off my shirt and walk away.
end of conversation. I don't know what a mummy is or what the hell it does.

(What are mummys???? ahhhhhhhh. Extensive mummy research added to my Wednesday to do list)

#2
Blake walks over to me with cookie cutters and asks which one I want.
I tell him the pink heart.
He stabs me in the knee with the sharp edge of the heart cookie cutter.
Me: Ouch dude, you can't do that on the bone. You have to do it on my leg. On the fat.
Blake: Mom, there is fat here... and here... and here.... and here.... and here.......

(Mom your entire body is fat... stab stab stab)


#3
6:00PM on Tuesday night
Blake: Mom can you find my goggles?
Me: no. I'll look for them tomorrow.
Blake: I want to try them on and wear them to bed.

(Blake ready for bed... I'm fully aware this is a little cartoon girl. Just go with it)


#4
Logan: Get goo Get goo ahhhhhhhhh gudda gudda No No No.
spit spit spit all over the floor
Me: Logan don't spit. It's disgusting.
Logan: WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH spit spit spit AHHHHHHHHNOEEEHDSAODJA


(suck it mom... Hope you like cleaning saliva off of EVERY surface in this house)

Then I walk to the bathroom and shove Tylenol down my throat to ease the immediate headache

(Keep screaming and spitting I will just be sitting here eating a delicious bowl of Advil)

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