Shit my kids say

Blake: Mom what's a mummy???
Me: Ummm... errr... wellll... you see... It's a thing wrapped in toilet paper
Blake: But what does it do?
Me: Pretend to pick imaginary lint off my shirt and walk away.
end of conversation. I don't know what a mummy is or what the hell it does.

(What are mummys???? ahhhhhhhh. Extensive mummy research added to my Wednesday to do list)

Blake walks over to me with cookie cutters and asks which one I want.
I tell him the pink heart.
He stabs me in the knee with the sharp edge of the heart cookie cutter.
Me: Ouch dude, you can't do that on the bone. You have to do it on my leg. On the fat.
Blake: Mom, there is fat here... and here... and here.... and here.... and here.......

(Mom your entire body is fat... stab stab stab)

6:00PM on Tuesday night
Blake: Mom can you find my goggles?
Me: no. I'll look for them tomorrow.
Blake: I want to try them on and wear them to bed.

(Blake ready for bed... I'm fully aware this is a little cartoon girl. Just go with it)

Logan: Get goo Get goo ahhhhhhhhh gudda gudda No No No.
spit spit spit all over the floor
Me: Logan don't spit. It's disgusting.

(suck it mom... Hope you like cleaning saliva off of EVERY surface in this house)

Then I walk to the bathroom and shove Tylenol down my throat to ease the immediate headache

(Keep screaming and spitting I will just be sitting here eating a delicious bowl of Advil)

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