Since Friday.

How completely sad these past four days have been.
I have had the same thoughts as everyone else, I am sure.
I found it hard to look at Blake's school picture on Friday.
I know what this years school picture will forever represent for their families.

We went to Mcdonalds for dinner Friday night. To just get out and do something the kids would like. Blake ate nothing. He played with his happy meal Ninja Turtle. He took his straw and stabbed his burger so many times it looked like swiss cheese.
It didn't matter because he was with me.

I have spent the last four days thinking to myself throughout the day those moms will never be able to get their kids juice boxes again, lay on the couch with them again, yell at them to stop fighting with their brother again, listen to them sing Jingle Bells again.
Every joke Blake tells seems so much funnier. Everytime Logan says a word really good, Michael and I cheer a little louder.

It's a lot. But we have to feel it. If we don't it would be like it never happened, and all those people deserve more than that. I wouldn't want people to turn it all off if God forbid it had happened to one of my kids. And I went there in my mind too...If it had been one of my kids. Not for long because I find it really hard to breathe when I do.

It has humbled me, made me so grateful for my boys and Michael.
For the rest of my family and my friends.
For my friends kids.
For the teachers at Blake's school.

I have gained a lot of perspective these last four days. I know that in time I will start to get annoyed when they leave their blocks all over the floor, or refuse to eat what I make for dinner, or ask to play my phone 50 times in ten minutes, or jump off the arm of the couch....

But right now, I am just so happy to have them.

1 comment:

  1. this post gave me chills.

    i can't even imagine so i try very hard not to ... because like you, i can't breathe.